Today is very special as its been 4 years since Drake and I turned our love for the hobby into a blog! We have had a great year and Warhammer 30,000 is going from strength to strength! We are have been delighted with the response we received to our recruitment drive and we have another 3 authors to be announced over the next few months followed by a potential 4th later in the month! The next year is shaping up to be a great one!
Next year it's the 5th (White Scar theme hosted by yours truly!) but this year it was the turn of the grumpiest bastard the Emperor sired! We had a meal themed around the inspiration for the Iron Warriors, I asked Drake to explain his menu decision. Here is his response 'It was a fusion between Stalin's Russia and Greek.' - man of few words - think he is still disappointed with how they performed over the weekend ;)
Us! From left to right; Little Bunny, (Closest) Drake, (Lurking behind Drake) Darko, (injured) Castiel, (Baldilocks) Moi!
Tylar was unavoidably detained and couldn't make it :(
I was asked to write a short birthday Skit around a Perturabo birthday. I did it quickly but I hope that you find it enjoyable:
Perturabo called over one of the servitors. Smiling gently.
'This has to go perfectly. I need my brothers to like me. I need the Emperor to see my values. Is there enough booze left?' the servitor looked at Perturabo nervously and responded in a tinny mechanical voice.
'My Lord. We hadn't calculated for the Wolf Kings vast thirst. He has drank every drop of ale, beer and cider. He is now working through master Fulgrim's Appletini's.' They both looked at Russ who was giving a glass of green liquid a lupine sniff. The astropath sat by the 11th chair stood and opened its mouth wide. The room fell silent and waited for the communication.
'Incoming call from - the astropath coughed. Do you accept?' Perturabo nodded. After a short pause there was 20 seconds of static. When it ended all the Primarch's in attendance laughed loudly.
'Oh him/her! He/she is always using his/her wit to play jokes on us. I can't wait to see him/her/it again in the future.' Said Lorgar looking over at Magnus who had resumed making balloon-xenos for a group of vacant-faced servitors.
'and here is a Tau Ethereal for you!' He said smiling. The servitor accepted it. Looked at it then back at Magnus.
'What the fuck is a Tau?'
Perturabo turned his attention back to the servitor.
'As you were saying...'
'My Lord, if the pace of Russ continues, we will be out of booze in exactly 3 minutes and 23 seconds.' Perturabo put his face in his hand and sighed. He placed the other gently on the servitors shoulder and snapped its neck. Its body slumped to the floor.
The astropath sat by the 4th chair stood and opened its mouth wide.
'Incoming call from the Master of Mankind. Do you accept?' Perturabo pulled his face out of his hand, sat upright and released a small smile.
'Of course!' There was a tiny click as the line became connected.
'Daddy!' Said the Lord of Iron barely containing his glee. A strong powerful voice came back.
'Perturabo, stop whatever the hell it is you are doing. I need you to go to Irreplacableart IV. I need you to destroy the planet and wipe it clean of its artisans and artists. Also burn everything and leave none of the stunning architecture or artwork standing!'
'Um, ooook. That sounds like a waste though. Can I ask why?' Asked Perturabo.
'They overcharged me for a sculpture I had commissioned. It doesn't even look like Horus! None could ever truly capture his beauty though,' there was a sound of licking lips 'I was daft to even try...' He trailed off.
'But Dad, I am sure you are aware - it is a very special day! Did you not get the invite I sent you?'
'Uuuuuhhhhoooofff course I did!' Replied the Emperor.
'I bet you don't even know what this party is for?' Asked Perturabo sadly.
'Party? Uuuuuhhhhoooofff course I do! Tell me, who else is there?' Perturabo looked around the table.
'The Lion couldn't make it. I have no idea where -' there was a loud cough 'of the second legion is. Fulgrim is sat in your chair, Freki is sat in the Khans chair. Russ is staring at me funny -' there was a click as the connection ended. Immediately Russ' astropath stood and opened its mouth.
'Incoming call from the Master of Mankind. Do you accept?' Russ smiled.
'Please!' It connected! 'Hi Dad!'
'Russ! Turn the volume down and don't give it away that its me!' Russ looked at Perturabo as he turned the astropaths ear, adjusting the output volume. Pertuabo frowned as Russ leaned in close and continued the conversion quietly.
'It is done. What?' There was a pause 'I don't know why I am here.' Russ looked around the table 'some of my brothers are here' pause again 'we are sat around a table' short pause 'ummm a cake and some alcohol?' Russ stood and leaned over the cake, reading the frosting. Perturabo continued to frown. Russ sat back down.
'It says Happy Birthday Perturabo...what the hell is a Perturabo?' Russ eyes shot open. 'His name!' He exclaimed. 'I thought his name was Digby! You mean I am not here to sanction him?Dad I gotta go!' The connection ended and immediately the Wolf King opened a comm feed.
'Lord Gunn! Call off the assault!' There was a short pause 'well defuse it!' Russ ended the call and smiled at Perturabo. There was a chain of explosions that Russ tried to cover with loud coughs. Suddenly, Fulgrim leapt to his feet holding his glass high. It looked small in his genehanced hands.
'Its apple!' He lowered the small glass to his eyeline, tapping it gently with his index finger 'and its teenie!' He finished in a soft high pitched voice. Guilliman facepalmed, Ferrus Manus looked away uncomfortably. Horus sat looking at his brothers, pointed at Fulgrim and asked;
'Why the hell is he naked again?'
Thanks for joining us and sharing the day with us. You all mean so much to us! We wouldn't do it without you :)